I'm gonna have a badass scar
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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