The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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