she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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