she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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