Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
