every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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