Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
50% drunk capacity currently
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
