she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
