Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
