It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
