All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
COCAINE IS GR8
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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