I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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