when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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