Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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