May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
