Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
