Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
