you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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