So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
