I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
