Is it normal to miss your booty call?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
