break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We had sex on a dog bed..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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