I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I sprained my soul last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
