have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
