I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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