So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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