you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
