Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was born a porn star she said
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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