she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
