like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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