Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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