This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
