When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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