But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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