hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?