Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.