I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Michael Bay diarrhea
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it