I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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