True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to