3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?