Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
