Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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