The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
