I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dicks are not precious.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
