im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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