thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
