I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
