"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
