Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm like, not good at living.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
