I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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