omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
