you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
