just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My penis needs a shock collar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
