my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
