Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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