tell your sister to shave her snatch
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
