my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
