All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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