I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
