I need help removing her.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
