um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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