i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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