That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
