His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Randomize
