Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
