Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
