wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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