Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
