It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
