well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
