Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
