id be glad to
I just pynch a tree in the face
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
